Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Plunged into darkness. The ghost of young nicks head.

It was a bland and stormy night. A burst of lightning struck the fields below Joe. He took a glance back at Eddie. He still had his book in his face. Joe could tell that Eddie took no notice of what was happening outside. The light started to flicker and for a split second a shock came over Joe. In a flash of smoke, the light bulb blew. A shiver went down Joes back. Eddie was now paying attention to what was happening around him. "Wh... What's going on?" Eddie shuddered with fright. 
"Power cut, cool." Joe said as if Santa had arrived at his door step. "This is a job for Scooby Dooby Doo!"

Joe was standing with his torch firmly in his hands. He started to grip it. The fireplace lit a dim light to lead them back to the damp, Cold room. Leo was next to the fireplace starting to get comfortable. Joe could hear a slight scream coming from the living room. He thought it was his mum but it turns out it was his dad. He forgot that his dad was sitting right under the chandalar. "I think we need to go and find another place to stay." The dad said glad that he was still alive. Joes mum just stood there still and looked at him in disbelief. She did not really think that Joes dad was going to haul them out in this weather, did she?

They all started to wander the halls of the dark, gloomy house. Leo started to whimper how he always wimps. Then, from out of a tatted window, a dark, pitch black figure appeared wearing a black hat and coat that just scraped his shoe while walking. Joe looked out the window to get a clear view to see if he knew who it was. It took a split second now to catch Joes attention that the person was carrying old, patched up sack of some sort. Eddie also found this a few seconds after Joe. They both were suspicious to know what was in the sack. What could it be?

The figure suddenly disappeared out of Joes sight. Eddie was stunned to see this. Then he was back to his book talk. "It is like when Harry potter couldn't see his opponent in the 3rd episode and..."
"Be quite!" Joe snapped back at him. Joe was really annoyed.
Then they heard a knock at the door. "I wonder who it is?" The dad said in a mysterious way.
It was that pitch black figure they saw just then. Rain was still poring. The raindrops trickled down the window. He handed over the tatted sack and said. "That will get you through the night and a couple of weeks to." It was a sack with cans of food, candles and lanterns.
"Thank you sir, do you want to have a cup of tea?"
"Sorry, I don't have time. But thank you for your positive thoughts. I will get you carpet all muddy and ragged.
"Ok, but do come around next time."
"Oh don't worry, I will be swing around at some time, trust me."
Joe watch as the figure blanked out into the dark and gloomy night. What a night it was going to be.


  1. Awesome Maia
    Your story is really Cool
    Well done
    Keep up the good work

  2. Maia, this really is a lovely piece of writing and it is so nice to read. On several occasions throughout your retell you have included adjectives and adverbs to make your sentences emotive and exciting. It is a great ending that leaves us in suspense wondering what is going to happen throughout the night.
    Well done!